my little life
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do i deserve this?
“you know what, your a fucking scum bag which is why i feel this was a set up which leads me to the reason why i have decided to not keep this baby. i will have it taken cae of myself. it will be better for me if your not there. think of it as a good thing you wont have to pay for anything”
“i hate you. i hate that you did this to me when i wasnt ready. i hate that this happened and i hate that im alone and once this is over i just want you to leave for good”
“you make my life a living nightmare”
“you really are a fucking loser arnt you”
“god your fucking disgusting and worthless to my fucking life”
“i think you have officially ruined my life”
“go fuck your self”
“i just need to know what its going to take to get rid of you, thats all i need to know”
“your such a fuck up”
“like i said, you dont get a say to what happens to me or who takes me and gets me so just shut the fuck up. your a fuck up. thanks alot. thats why i cant wait to be fucking done with this so i dont have to fuckin look at your disgusting self”
and this is all things my GIRLFRIEND has said to me in the last week because we found out shes pregnant and she’s having an abortion. my mom said she is just blaming me for this because she hates that shes going through it. she said most pregnant women do that. she said she probably doesnt mean the things she’s saying but cant help it because her state of mind is in a bad place right now and that she’ll get over it when its all over and she wont be like this anymore. i hope to god my mom is right because this fuckin sucks. i hate being talked to like this and treated like this. it hurts. i try so hard to be good to her and i can honestly say that i am. i treat her good i care about her i love her im faithful to her commited to her. i take care of her when she needs to be taken care of. i mean ya im not perfect but no one is. i think im a very good boyfriend to her. but i dont think she thinks the same. i dont think she feels like she has a good boyfriend. i think she really does feel like im a douche bag or scum bag and a piece of shit and a useless person to her. that im disgusting and worthless to her life. and that really hurts me because i love this girl with all my heart. i dunno what i would do or where i would be or who i would be without her. my life would suck. i mean ya we have our ups and downs. we have our amazing moments where we love each other and are so happy and we have our times where we wanna kill each other and feel like we just cant do it anymore and wanna break up. but every couple has that. no ones relationship is perfect. but even during the times when i just wanna rip her head off i still love her and i still know i will always love her and wanna be with her. i wanna marry this girl. but she doesnt even wanna be with me. does she really mean that or is it just cuz shes pregnant and she’s flipping out and is pretty much going to take out all her anger and stuff on me. i dont know anymore. i try to be the best boyfriend i can be for her but i just dont think im cutting it for her anymore. and that breaks my heart. can anyone help me?
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pregnant!!!
so, my girlfriend is pregnant. it was not planned. it was an accident but she thinks i did it on purpose. but i didnt. im not ready for a kid. yes i have always wanted to have a baby with her because i love her and wanna start a family with her and get married but…. not right now. not this soon. im scared and so is she. we have never done this before. we dont know how to take care of a kid or how to be parents. we’re only 22. but i also think that 9 months from now things could be completely different. the baby isnt going to be here tomorrow. if it was then ya we wouldnt be ready. but its not going to be here for 9 months. thats a long time. a very long time. thats plenty of time to grow up and change and save money and fix things that need to be fixed and to get ready and prepare for it. i know we’re not ready right now but i honestly do feel that by the time the baby comes in 9 months from now that we could be ready. 9 months is a long long time. and all though this isnt something i wanted in my life right now, i love my girlfriend more than life its self. she is my life, my world, my everything. i could not live without her. and i know shes the girl i wanna spend the rest of my life with and get married to and have a family with. so i am willing to have this baby and be there for her and support her and be a great father to our child. and i know she would be a great mother because shes a great girlfriend and a great friend. it would be hard yes but then again nothing in this world worth having comes easy. our relationship isnt easy at times but its worth the effort and the things we go through. she is a very strong girl. she could do anything. and i try my best to be strong for her. and we wouldnt be alone. we would have the help and support from both out families and friends and of course each other. i quit smoking for her and the baby. i will do anything and everything i need to in order to have a healthy baby. i would sacrifice my life for her and my child. i hope she is healthy enough to carry a baby. she is a diabetic and that does worry me. im scared that being pregnant could affect her and make her sick or have something bad happen to her. and im scared that it could affect the baby to. i dont want anything to happen to either one of them. i dont know. im just venting i guess. and know it seems too soon for this babe and ur right, we’re not ready to have a kid right now…. but in 9 months we could be. i love you sweety. and whatever decision you make, whether i agree with it or not, i will support you and your choices no matter what.
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sometimes i wonder if things can really be changed.. if we can really be they way we used to be when we first got together. if we can really be as happy as we once were and have a relationship like we once had.. whats going to happen if we cant? will we still be ok? will we break up? what if we continue to be together and i know ur not as happy as u could be. what if we break up? will i ever be able to get over you and move on? will you be able to get over me and move on? what if u get over me and move on but i dont? or what if i get over u but u dont? will we be ok without eachother? will u ever be happy again? would i? will u ever be able to trust anyone else? would i? would we even want to try? it would be hard to forget about u when u have given me so much to remember. will your friends ever like me? your family. will i ever be able to forgive you for what u did with ur ex when we were broken up? will i ever be able to forget about it so that it doesnt hurt me anymore? i try to forget about it but it pops into my head everyday and it really really hurts me still. i know you told me about it and stuff but i still wonder about it sometimes. im still mad about it. im very self-conscience about myself now because of that. im scared babe. i really am. i dont know whats going to happen with us or with my life. im not happy with my life. i have no car still. i have horrible credit. i have a foot thats going to affect everything i do for the rest of my life. i have to file bankrupcy and im only 22. i still have d.u.i.
i still have d.u.i. shit that i cant seem to get rid of. i have another warrant again for the second time. my life is a fuckin mess. i dont know what u see in me to be honest. im scared that im never going to go anywhere in life or be anything and im going to struggle my whole life and that ill never have a good job that will allow me to support you or our kid if we ever have one. im scared that you’re never really going to be 110 percent completely as happy with me as you could be. ill always feel like you could be happier with someone else than u are with me now. im scared that our relationship is never going to be exactly how we want it. im scared that its never going to be like it was n the beginning. im scared that we are going to be together for 2 3 4 years and something is going to happen and we’re going to break up again and im going to be alone and heart broken again. you are an amazing girl. your the most amazing iv ever met. i have fallen SOOO in love with you in the last year and i dunno if i can ever lose you again. i dont ever wanna lose you again. never. i would be lost without you.. im just really scared…
